
x So paint your face up something elegant x
x And this time maybe a darker shade of red x
x Cause a long night means a fist fight x
x Against your pillow and my pearly whites x
x I want to hear you scream you like me better on my knees x
, is there anything I can do Kay?
Ok um, well I'll just get straight to the point of this entry, considering I don't feel like being all creative and all that tonight. I never knew how hard it was going to be, going out with someone over the internet. Yes, I've done it before, but this..gah this is so hard. I don't want Trevor spending his money to come see me..I don't like that. Sure, I like the idea of him coming to visit me, but what if he totally regrets it and doesn't like me afterwards? then basically he wasted his money.
Also, this whole calling thing..soon I won't be able to call at all. He doesn't have to call me, he doesn't owe me anything. I just can't keep using my money and their money to call him or they might end up not liking him. I just called him today, yet I'm like, crying because I want to call him again..but we probably won't end up talking long *sigh*. These feelings I have for him are freaking me out, plus the way he feels about me freaks me out too. All my life, every guy that I've been with or liked, has rejected me in someway and basically let me know that I wasn't good enough. Then Trevor comes along and it's like suddenly, someone thinks I'm okay. Someone in this world believes in me and cares about me enough. It's too good to be true. To have someone want to use their money just to see lil ol' me..to call me..anything. I never knew it was really possible, he really does love me. But I can't let him spend his money like that...
Next, Ryan and Daniel are freaking idiots. -cries- Ryan used to be my friend..I hate this. I dislike him and I dislike Daniel. The things they say about Trevor and I, it really hurts. It's like being stabbed a million times over and over. There's no point in tellingTrevor, I don't want to bother him with this stuff, he's probably got a lot more on his plate then I even know about, who knows. I can handle it...well..I'll try anyway.
I think...I might call Trevor tomorrow.........or tomorrow night? maybe tomorrow night. Yeah, maybe.
I'm off peeps.
Love yeahh. <3